endlessstampede

 At this point, sleeping is becoming my favorite part of the day. In dreams, anything is possible, and when you have a good one, all that matters is how you could possibly keep yourself from waking up so that you can just live there. It's almost poetic in a way, when the real world is filled with so many nightmares, that in dreams where the true nightmares are said to happen is the one place we want to escape to the most. Sure, it may not be "real", but hell half the things that happen in the real world tend to feel like they belong in a dream or story anyway.

Anyway, I'm rambling. But none the less, sleep has become one of my favorite activities as of late. For a while I was actually starting to dread it, because the people that were showing up in the dreams I knew I wouldn't be able to see when I opened my eyes. One time, it was so real that when I woke up, I just layed there a little while wondering if there was a way to go back. I'm the type of guy who loves to live in fantasy, and my mind loves to spend its time thinking of alternatives and possibilities. Are any of them going to happen? More then likely not, but there are still a few things that tug on my head that lead me to at least believe in hope.

From what I remember, last nights dream was a scatter plot. Between being with a certain person, to suddenly finding myself going to the movies with my two best friends at a theater I don't even know to go see The Runaways and some other movie that escapes me. I know, random right? My thoughts prior to sleeping I remember well enough however. Thinking of a future that I can only hope will come true. It's going to be a pretty long wait for that one, however, but with all the bad things that have happened, one could only hope things can only get brighter when your already standing in near pitch black. Not to say its going to be all sunshine and lollipops, but hey, that's life right? Though if we can make it through all of this and come out at the end, something tells me the first big step is going to feel like nothing in comparison.

It will be the start of a whole new life. Question is, does a wicked dreamer ever really get the real life? Or will he just wake up simply wishing he was back in the dream. Haha, assume, of course, that I really am that wicked.

Why not make the first real post about something that has actually been on my mind, and a rather major change. In short, some big things have been happening lately to a person I care for. We had lost contact since the last major event, but I was still hanging on to the thought that, based on how things kept appearing to happen, within a week I would hear back from them and everything would go back to normal.  Sadly, it wasn't the case. After the week ran up, I was left wondering what was going on, and hoping for the best.

I started to assume that it might be the end of knowing what was going on, and you know what they say, when you reach acceptance, a lot of things start to become clear...and this is where the weird thing happened. Laying in my bed, looking up at the ceiling in the dark, I started to think everything over. My thoughts were about her, all about her, and all I cared about was that she got better and that things were alright. With no real way to know or be involved...I actually got out of my bed and prayed.

Yeah, that's right. Me, on my knees, praying to something I can't even say I fully believe in, and I told him that. I told the big almighty I didn't do it much, and I couldn't promise I would continue for any real reason other then this one, but each night I prayed to God that she was doing better, and that over anything that she was finding some happy moments in the day by day. Been going on like that ever since last Sunday.

Come today (Well, tonight), and I guess it actually worked in some ways. Who knows, all that matters is that she's improving, and I got some inspiration for writing again on top of a few more things. There is a time limit on how long I'll have to wait until this is all finally over, but until then, if this praying thing honestly wants to show me that its working, I guess I'll actually end up doing it, for no other reason like I told the big man then for her. Whatever I have to do to make them heard, so be it,  just so long as he keeps working his Angelic Mojo.

So, while I don't know what God, whichever God is answering me, keep on doing it, and I'll keep on talking to you. The remainder of our deal still stays, so here's hoping to the future.

"They aren't my friends, they aren't my lovers, they aren't my family. But in the end, they all sing the same song, all see the same sky, and all pray for a better world that we hope will come"

I actually have one of these. Actually...I've had this for an untold number of years now, and just remembered that I may want to start using it again. With the last place being MSN and that being a great deal of fun to reread, I figured I would move myself here for a number of different reasons.So Journal world, you ready for me? I have a lot on my mind and a lot of random things that come out day by day. Not sure how often I'll get around to posting here, but I'll do my best to do it at least once a week. Till then.